November 3, 2008
In Search For The Right Words
Im not mad or sad.. Im just so disappointed.
Its really nobody fault.
Its what we learnt from the society.
Not everything is to be fallowed or to be said. Its really simple, If you dont know what to say to a person, be quite and dont say nothing at all. Or just say ” I dont know what to say”.
Did I just say simple? Finding the right words to say isn’t always a simple a task, but it’s one that’s worth your time and energy. Anyone can pick up a mass-produced condolence and just burp it out. That’s a nice gesture but finding words of sympathy from your heart that are specific to the grieving person will be more treasured. These personally and heartfelt words of condolence serve as a tribute to the deceased and words of comfort to the bereaved.
Grieving for the death of a loved one is a long process that takes time and acceptance.
During this times, many people should be careful about the words they say or actions they do in front of the grieving family members. Generally, the attendees do not want to give additional grief to those affected, hence the tendency is to keep quiet and simply extend their support silently.
Some words i find acceptable to be used:
- I am so sorry.
These three words are enough to convey to the grieving person that you understand the importance of the deceased person in his life and that you share his sadness. These words are enough to show that you sincerely care for the bereaved.
- Tell me how I can help, I here for you.
- I’m praying for you.
- He/She will be missed.
- I have never been through something like this and can only imagine.
- What do you need right now?
- I am here to listen whenever you are ready.
- My sympathy to you and your family
Words that you should avoid:
- I know what you are going through.
It does not matter if the exact person from your side died recently. This is the word that never should be used. It shouldn’t exist. It can never be the same experience. we are all individuals and our reaction to things can never be the same. Even brother and sisters. Each person has a different relation to the person who has passed away, so you can NEVER know what the other is going through.
- You must be strong
WHAT? My … just died and you want me to be strong. Cant one just be weak. This is the last time one will ever se her/him again. Cant we just express our feelings instead of holding everything in?
AmIna Box 